F IS FOR FLASK
By Matthew Latkiewicz
F is for flask and the joys of drinking in public. Not enough people own a flask anymore. Nowadays, we only see them as groomsmen gifts. Because alcohol and its accoutrements are one of the few gifts that men feel comfortable giving to one another.
The others are cigars, golf, weapons, and if they’re hipsters, music. But have you ever seen one of these groomsmans in the wild taking a pole from their leather-wrapped monogram flask? No, they put them on shelves or in drawers. A museum piece from when people knew how to drink.
Flasks are important to own and use because they allow drinking to be what it should be. Something you can do whenever. So much drinking is relegated to late-night socializing in bars and parties. And not that I don’t love late-night socializing, but drinking is great in lots of scenarios. Not just the ones where they serve it to you. Who wouldn’t want to drink at a movie, or in a park or at a museum, or if the bar is too far away?
I buy my flasks by the five-pack for $18, on the advice of writer, Bryan Lam. Who wrote the greatest thing about flasks ever written. He said, “If you’re using these correctly, you’ll be losing them left and right. I am on my fourth.” Yes, Bryan Lam, yes. Here’s to you mate!
When you get your flask, remember that public drinking is it’s own style of drinking. And I’m not talking about public drinking like it’s Memorial Day and you’re in a park or you’re in New Orleans or Savannah and the whole place is like a college party all the time. I’m talking about in places where people look at you weird if you were drinking on the street. You know, normal places. This is the realm of the flask.
A flask is for buzz maintenance. It’s like the one-hitter of drinking. You take poles at opportune moments when you need to tweak the sober world just a little. And unlike some other modes of public drinking, a flask keeps you honest. If you’re pouring vodka into a water bottle, or whiskey into a to-go coffee cup, you’re definitely hiding your drinking better, but that is not a good thing.
With a flask, you’re not hiding anything. It’s like trying to hide bullets inside of a gun. Everybody knows what’s in there. But who cares. Be a drinker. Own it. And if someone catches you taking a pole in line for the museum, don’t be ashamed, just offer him a swig.
It’s the only polite thing to do.
F is for flask.